It's not a good day. It's not awful either. I am restless and unable to settle my attention on anything. It hurts, hurts painfully to admit my sorry condition. Running errands makes me feel purposeful and momentarily engaged and thus relieved of my hardest feelings. Motherhood absorbed me completely and now that my children are older, I am relieved of the need to be utterly vigilant. But to what end? And with what do I absorb my energies? My photography business is adrift- just like me. This has to be a better year- it must. Scraping together determination, selfishness and desire is the mandate of the moment. Wish me luck.