Masquerade

So here's the deal. Fake happiness and hope that real happiness steals in and makes an appearance. Make the lovely vegetarian dinner for the difficult vegetarians of the house. (I understand dietary restrictions based on health, but the many requirements of my brood can make me more than a little crazy). I don't remember posing any special requirements of my parents except that they not abandon me. Nowadays, well, it's a lot different.
While the beans cook, I surf the web to check out websites, blogs et al. All of which has me a little dazed. I wish I knew where I fit in. Or where I intended to insert myself. What a comforting thought- to feel like I belong and then expand from there. My natural reticent prevents me from steaming full ahead. Can I pretend to be someone else and and slowly assume that identity? A brash gal, a take no prisoners kind of talent who won't let any self-doubt cloud her brain.

17

It's amazing how much you don't know when you are the parent of a 17 year old girl. She is the soul of all understanding and wisdom, especially in her mind. Having a conversation means enduring a lot of "I don't know, Mom" or "Don't ask me now Mom." I know I wreak of obsolescence, but at the end of the day, her father and I pay for all her needs, wishes and desires. It's a delicate tightrope that we walk- one combined with absolute dependence on one end and absolute independence on the other.

Miracle (sort of)

                                

There was a remarkable event today here on Evergreen Way. One could almost call it a miracle. The other day, Sarah took possession of the clock radio that has been the sheriff of our weekday routine. Well, the rooster is the better way to put it. (Sarah has become determined to get herself up in the morning so as to have ample time to beautify for school) Today, at 7:57 I woke up to discover all the kids dressed and ready to leave. Quite a shocker!! I was convinced, having overslept (well, we no longer have our alarm clock) that I would be hustling some very irate kids out the door while madly writing notes to make up some lame excuse why they were late for class. Instead, I came downstairs to discover them getting their affairs in order while bossing each other around. What an odd and luxurious feeling to be relieved of personnel management for one morning. Kind of strange to realize they really are capable of taking care of themselves if necessity requires. Maybe we have been doing an okay job as parents after all.

Harvest Moon

Woke up earlier than usual. The best thing about my house at 5 a.m. is that no one is going to stop me in the middle of something that seems really vital to me and ask "where is my other shoe?" or "why isn't there anything good to eat?" or better yet, "I need a ride, right now!". So there are certain advantages to the off hours. The harvest moon is glowing and while I don't have an enormous lens and can't organize my thoughts to assemble a cable release and tripod- I will go stand outside in the dew-drenched grass and make my own homage to the beautiful full moon hanging low in the sky.

A Busy City Day

Spent a busy day on Friday with my friend Ellen in Manhattan. She wanted to take me out to lunch for my birthday and look at art. On the way to eat we made a quick stop to see the Jil Sander store in Soho (truly, a museum to retail). It was so nice outside that we ate our lunch seated in a lovely courtyard surrounded by the chic set. After our meal we took an inspiring tour of some Chelsea galleries. We managed about six shows including a beautiful installation of these lit books by the artist Airan Kang at a gallery on 24th St. and saw the Marc Newsom show next. Wow! So much fun to see an amazing motor boat among other large scaled items placed in a gallery setting. We headed back back downtown by walking on the High Line where we revived ourselves with gourmet ice pops. I had my Lumix camera in my bag and found myself taking lots of photos. So many diverse types you encounter along the way. On the train ride home I thought about the pleasure that comes from creating images that are completely spontaneous.