Imagining and Forgetting

The other morning, pressed to help get my equipment ready so that I could go photograph an assignment,  my eldest child Nora begrudgingly agreed to erase a set of image files that I had edited and delivered days earlier from my compact flash card. En route to work, when I discovered my 16 gig digital card was now empty- well- distressed might be a mild way to put it. My daughter, instead of deleting some files had erased all the files. There were dozens of images that I had yet to transfer and all of these photographs were now lost. Gone.

I am in the throes of remembering what was on that card and what's been dispatched to oblivion. (Once, years ago, photographing my husband and our daughter Sarah, nestled by our climbing rose in full bloom, the camera's counter went to 40. On a 35mm camera that is a very bad sign as it means that the film never wound through. So, I have witnessed these phantom feelings before.)

Were there some lovely images on that card? Absolutely. And I am heartbroken to some definable extent. However, it's a loss that I'll be able to bear- no matter how nutty it makes me feel. And as losses go, one not destined for the books. 

Annoying however. Most definitely.

Recent Activity

Part of why I have been absent from the world of blogging is that I have been unusually busy with work. So in the spirit of sharing, I thought I would post a few images from a recent assignment.

.

The Unfathomable strikes in Oklahoma

The images from Oklahoma of the rampant destruction from the tornado yesterday sadden me for the cyclone's many victims and their terror and loss. The day starts bright and ends in darkness in its own predictable way here in Sleepy Hollow- yet for many in Oklahoma, all those routines have been shattered and their resilience will be tested for years to come. My heart breaks for them.

photo credit- Nick Oxford for the New York Times

The right person won

Congratulations Candace Glover! And thank you for all the exquisite performances that you gave this season on American Idol. 

Every time I heard you sing I was moved by the beauty of your voice and your ability to interpret a song.  I look forward to seeing (and hearing) what you do next!!

By the Pool (with Catrina)

One summer, between my sophomore and junior year, I visited my college friend, Catrina, who lived in a gracious old suburb of St. Louis. I brought my camera along as Catrina was a great model and we spent the week creating a series of images.

At her parent's home, there was also a swimming pool with enough privacy that Catrina was happy to pose naked. I am no stranger to the lure of a periodical- so changing this single element allowed me to explore how we are perceived by what we consume.

Me vs.the Weeds

I am taking a break from staging an emergency intervention. The flower bed near the office door has strawberries plants popping out and setting blooms. Unfortunately, they are being engulfed by a prolific and non-descript ground cover that I find of no interest whatsoever.  In order to do this chore once and not twice, requires combing the dirt and pulling out every piece of this weed and it's roots that you can find.  I'd much rather have the berries take off than this uninvited guest take over. We are prepping our garden to be on our neighborhood tour this coming weekend- and today feels as good as any to tackle this chore. (plus a good opportunity to daydream as I work.)

Mom's Day 10591

Just in case you were wondering, my family did not bestow upon me the above pendant this year for Mother's Day. I don't need another trinket, another accessory or anything else poetically packaged from a store.
But, to set the record straight- what I did want-
1. A meal (not cooked by me) enjoyed together
2. The feeling of their lips on my cheek and the press of their embrace
3. The words "I love you Mom"

I got all three from my 3. Wishing you the same contentment (however fleeting) to anyone who takes the time to mother-whether it be children, another adult, an animal, a cause, or a classroom of kids. I am going to enjoy this day of recognition and remember to give thanks for my spouse, our offspring, our hearth and our home. And I wish you all the same.

15

The years advance and our boy is fast becoming a young man. It's all a little dizzying to see that our offspring are children no longer and craving to be launched in to the world. The future beckons.

The beauty in the fade

The bulbs, which made such a lovely display are waning now. With the arrival of rainy weather, they make a different kind of tableau- tender and melancholy at the same time.

In Full Regalia

My husband reminded me that I better get out there and photograph our dogwood tree while it's in full bloom.
So I did.

When holidays are hard

Mother's Day approaches. This is a hard one for me. My mother has been gone for almost 20 years- so I commemorate her in a mostly private fashion. I discovered things about her later in my life that upset me profoundly- actions she didn't take to protect me and so there is no shortage of pain there. My husband's mother is alive and living independently in Texas and for better or for worse, the only things we have in common is that we are both females, and both love her son. Any other common ground isn't there. She is a devout Christian who reads her Bible daily and is involved with her church. I was raised in a household where participating in organized religion was actively discouraged. As a result of my upbringing, religion is not something I seek for myself or my family.

It's difficult to feel close to someone who has been a phantom figure for as long as I have known her and I imagine she feels the same way about me. Most of the time I can roll with how awkward this feels- and I chalk it up to the many things in life over which I have little control. (You cannot pick your spouse's parents- although I highly recommend it should the opportunity arise.) But when these "holidays" roll around, and the media bursts with reminders and advertising, it's hard to avoid the difficulty of certain realities. I'm sure my mother-in-law isn't thrilled either, to have a daughter-in-law who finds comfort in distance. Not everything can be wrapped up neatly in pretty paper and tied with a bow. I guess this is one of those things.

Busy

Busy weekend around here. Clean-ups, planting, sunshine and opening day at Mountain Creek. Nothing like a call from the EMT that our teenaged son had a tumble and hit the ground with his shoulder.
Doesn't seem to be serious! Just really banged up!! 

Definitely changes my psyche whenever he is there- I imagine him tearing down a mountain on his performance bike, totally engaged.  I have to trust that his gear and good sense will protect him.

Flow (and me)

I love photographing outside. Always have. Interacting with the out of doors through a camera is a favorite activity. Since motherhood I have been occupied with our little corner as a subject matter, mostly for its proximity. I have learned to deal with frequent interruptions, often beginning with "Mom!..." and many times requiring that I stop doing what I am doing and come do something else. As soon as possible. It's easy to feel scattered when you are dealing with kids. Flow can be hard to achieve.

Window dressing (circa '95)

I haven't been to the annual car show at the Jacob Javitz Center for a while. Years back James and I made the trek to take it all in. I was struck by the "brand ambassadors" (also known as spokemodels) standing by the shiny new vehicles on display. Sleek cars and pretty girls- some things never change.