Grey thoughts on a nice day

It's a sunny day, but not a good day. I am not really getting along with anyone beyond superficialities. I excel at that. Holding a door open, jumping up to get out of someone's way, inquiring with sincere interest as to someone else's well being. Oh, that I can do. Being thoughtful, considerate, kind, fill my plate please. Feeling like I matter, feeling any kind of self worth, feeling content- well, there you would find a raging storm that seethes within. Better to look outside, try to be what I wish other's could be, and hold my tears. At the end of the day, in a lifetime of feeling less than, nothing ever really changes.