It's a grey day- a sort of in between day and I am suspended in my own time machine of worry. James and I attended a financial aid seminar last night and it made my head spin. So much to do and square away to get our eldest off to the college of her dreams and on to the next chapter of her life. My husband is off on a job interview and it's hard to even think about the possibility of his having steady employment again without wishing for it so hard my heart hurts. It's been one strange interval of economic uncertainty in which we have not been alone. So that softens the blow a lot. It's easy to feel inadequate and second guess every decision I ever made. The mother in me, the guide tries to act as my own parent and give me little pep talks every time my courage and hope begin to flag. When my kids open the refrigerator and scout for something to eat, or kick off their clothes and take a hot shower and then slumber in their cozy beds- I have to appreciate that in spite of all the difficulties we have managed to keep ourselves intact. If only for their sake, I smile and inquire about their day and prepare the next nutritious meal which with luck they will be happy to eat. A certain amount of pretense can go a long way to keep my sense of peril at bay.
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