So, it's not always easy. Now that's one big understatement. In my suburban splendor, feeling a very universal sadness. Why-
well a lot of frustration, loss and difficulty. Not really knowing how to proceed and not wanting to try anything, because one thing must make more sense than another. Feeling a definite confusion and anger with...myself. Really didn't expect to be in this predicament, somehow had a greater sense that my intellect and talent would carry me where I need to go. Oh, and some bad business partners. Not knowing what the world is really like and not knowing what to do with the hard feeling these conflicts cause. Am I only as good as my ability to be what other people need? And what do I need? No one cares- no, it's all about the sublimation, smile, genius and being infinitely easy going. Isn't that what the world wants? Another insecure artist to chew up and spit out. My sense of futility devours me. It's something that even my children's smiles can't erase. Pervasive, longing and despair.
Where is my optimism when I need it so bad?