16"

Another snowy day in Sleepy Hollow. James thinks we got 16". Pretty impressive as well as causing all sorts of havoc with tree branches coming down over all the place and knocking out the power. Literally, you could hear the trees groaning and snapping like popcorn all over the neighborhood. Luckily, we have been with lights the whole time-and it is much appreciated. The kids of course love all the snow- and as long as I keep picking up all their wet wraps and such the house doesn't feel too besieged by my homebound creatures and their numerous damp friends.

Spent the snow day busy, ventured out a few times with errands and trips to pick up sledders- one of whom will probably never see her current cell phone again. Such is life. Had fun photographing out the windows and being able to brave the elements (sort of) and protect my precious equipment. Today the sun is out and can't really sit still. There are a million tasks at hand.

A visit from Max

                                       

Max just left and we had a fun visit. He brought things to show me, among them relics from the house fire in West Virginia last year that destroyed his home. Among the remains of the blaze was vintage doll furniture that was melted and refigured by the heat.  We photographed these bittersweet remains and found the time to design a business card for him. Later we squeezed in an outing for the grown-ups to the movies and saw Up in the Air a dark comedy about people losing their jobs. ( Luckily James laughed.)

True to predictions, it snowed in the early morning hours and it has been snowing ever since. While shoveling word came that a daughter lost her cell phone during a sledding expedition to Rockwood Hall. If one is inclined to hope for the impossible, allow me to join you. Hey, you never know.

So, it's not always easy. Now that's one big understatement. In my suburban splendor, feeling a very universal sadness. Why-
well a lot of frustration, loss and difficulty. Not really knowing how to proceed and not wanting to try anything, because one thing must make more sense than another. Feeling a definite confusion and anger with...myself. Really didn't expect to be in this predicament, somehow had a greater sense that my intellect and talent would carry me where I need to go. Oh, and some bad business partners. Not knowing what the world is really like and not knowing what to do with the hard feeling these conflicts cause. Am I only as good as my ability to be what other people need? And what do I need? No one cares- no, it's all about the sublimation, smile, genius and being infinitely easy going. Isn't that what the world wants? Another insecure artist to chew up and spit out. My sense of futility devours me. It's something that even my children's smiles can't erase. Pervasive, longing and despair.
Where is my optimism when I need it so bad?