A Confession (of sorts)

Calling attention to myself is something I do with a fair amount of trepidation. Who am I to share my images, opinions, experiences, feelings? Why should anyone care? Sometimes I wonder if I am some kind of suburban mystic uncovering truths in the grocery aisles or sharing another revery as the sun dips down behind the Hudson. I know I have a fair amount of ability when you put a camera in my hands and I hope I am not boring others to tears as I struggle to find my place as a photographer, artist, and creator in the scheme of things. Anxiety both spurs me on and inhibits me. Best to focus on the work and my must do list in the end.

Mulling

(This was originally written in 2014 and saved in drafts. Wanted to share.)

I've been trying to steer clear of tag sales and thrifting but I succumbed to the lure of a few recent sales
(one of which was held at the same house I wrote about here) and $16 later acquired some interesting items.

If you don't find things like china interesting, you can't stop here.  I had one of those rescue pangs when I looked at the box of Susie Cooper china (marked $6) and knew I had to bring it home. Add in the 4 Christmas dishes at .25 each and I was once again in the thrall of a small piece of history, far from the place and time when it was manufactured. I also found a great throw made in Norway ($5) and a beat-up copy of The Family of Man for $1 (no reason to say anything else). Making one last pass of the garage I saw an ottoman and thought it possibly by Eames for which I bargained to $3 from $5 (because it seemed worth trying due to its present battered condition ). 

At these times, the chance to meander and observe the remains, remnants and discards of another's is a uniquely fascinating activity all its own and I'll leave it at that.

Forever the Precipice

When you are small and fear the monsters that you imagine are waiting under your bed, with luck, there is  a loving adult who shines a light on their non-existence and allays your fears so you can sleep. Life propels your forward through childhood to eventual adulthood with the requisite schooling and relationships, responsibilities, challenges and desires- resulting in the perpetual reality of managing uncertainty and risk. Little is more stress inducing than pregnancy and parenthood and babies who grow up to become teenagers whose actions can be unending sources of concern.

Now as the parent of young adults, the unknown floats up perpetually and in the absence of their presence, I have to have faith that our well being is not precarious and that with luck and our better angels, we will survive to see another day. 

Yet the inner turmoil wrought by worry can easily paralyze me.  Then I'm forced to accept the laundry list of unknowns, press ahead and appreciate that the abyss while ever present has been averted, at least for now.

Valentine's Day

(This post dates from 2011- from the "before times" when my ex and I were still married.) 

I have always loved Valentines day. Not the selling of it- but the opportunity to tell the people I care about how much I love them. Woke to the smell of coffee and in the kitchen found my sweet surprise from James. I'm in no mood for more baubles or chocolates- a little gesture of human kindness can go a long way.

Losses

My brother David and I circa 1970

There have been some notable losses in the pantheon of entertaining greats recently; Betty White, Bob Saget and Dwayne Hickman. I never watched either of Bob Saget's television shows- Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos. At the time I was enmeshed with small children and didn't need more cultural fare that spoke to the perils, pleasures and inanities of family life. But Dwayne Hickman made a huge impression on this child of the 60's. When he broke the fourth wall in Dobie Gillis and spoke to the camera- in the presence of Rodin's "The Thinker", a statue I knew well- I thought the degree of sophistication unparalleled for the wink of the narrator sharing his day to day tribulations of his high school existence.

In that half hour I witnessed an alternate reality of non-conforming with the understanding that I too could go "off script" if needed. Rest in Peace Dwayne Hickman and thank you for taking us all inside Dobie's world of adolescent angst that you created with such humor and grace.