(Brief) Thoughts during this pandemic

Words fail me. Last fall was a tough interval where I saw my on again off again relationship with former flame go south- well- I'll go with the "wasn't meant to be" line of thinking. And then this insanely horrible pandemic of Covid- 19 descended and things have gone to hell in a hand basket. I thought refraining from sharing (or oversharing) made sense, given how awful the devastation caused by this virus between loss of life and the economy reduced to its shell as we ride this wave of contagion out. There are just no words and only prayers as we plug along in our social isolation, hoping we are doing enough to protect ourselves from ourselves and one another.

Life pre-Covid shimmers as s recent memory of mobility, socializing and commerce and now it's all virtual from the relative comfort of being bound to the home. There will be a life post-Covid and I'll be grateful for what we didn't lose when life allows a return to old routines and vow to make greater efforts to count my blessings even more than before.

Sums it Up

(my current status)

Overwhelmed and cranky.
Busy and engaged.
Lonely and preoccupied.

Summer's End

I've been silent on this forum and I am short on excuses. Too busy. Instagram. Full time job. Fried. Tired. Everything moves forward. My kids at 26, 23 and 21 are living their best lives or trying to and it brings me a lot of happiness that the setbacks are manageable and mostly good things happen. Hard to ask for more. Time has taken a more precious aspect- things feel fleeting and it's important to savor every moment you can. What remains as I grow older hovers expectantly and I hope for as much as one can.

The mornings in late August ring with crickets and the hint of autumn bring back memories of my kids drinking in the last of vacation and how anticipation mounts for the return to the classroom and the mix of faces familiar and new. The haircuts. The grumbling. The shopping. The scheduling. Regimentation is back. At their current ages, managing their own affairs and needing mostly financial assistance, I now bear witness to these weeks of transition. I remember my own going off to school, I remember the longing for my own children pre-motherhood, to meet at the bus, and today, I observe the parents pushing carts in Staples, clutching lists, and the add-ons attractively packaged to  catch their kid's eye as they roam the aisles. The satisfaction I got from meeting their needs.

My life has morphed from parent to working woman and it's a transition I embrace because I had no other good options. The past three years has brought tremendous change and as I write it's likely my days in Sleepy Hollow (24 years and counting) are numbered and a different chapter awaits. Two of my children were conceived in this bedroom and the majority of my family life happened in this house. No wonder it's hard to imagine what it would be like to actually leave.

(and for another take on summer's end click here.)

Dispatch from the Goodwill

I did something today of some significance. I bought my new beau (well, he's really an old beau with whom I have reconnected finding ourselves single at the same time, but I digress) a tie when I was thrifting at Goodwill. An Italian silk, which if it is to his liking will enhance his blue eyes when he wears it. So I am crossing in to the realm of shopping for a man who is not my ex-husband (but for whom said ex I did pretty extensive purchasing combined with the wifely concerns of making sure the same ex had respectable undershirts and other whatnot-but I digress again).

I am very happy about getting to know this old beau better and just spent a wonderful stretch of days visiting him at his home, 400 miles away. Distance is a factor when it comes to being together and I do not know what lays ahead. I hope he likes this tie and wears it knowing that he means a lot to me. I was in a lonely minefield of a marriage for many years and basking in his kindness and affection is something I appreciate deeply.

News (of a sort)

I'm seeing someone as of late.  We connected in early October and as we have a plan to spend New Year's Eve together, it seems I am dipping my toe in to the world of romantic relationships again.

I thought newborns were terrifying and toddlers exhausting. I thought the days my three offspring each got their driver's license new levels of anxiety were unleashed. That waiting for the acceptance letters to arrive (or not) senior year of high school was a vortex of disquietude. But this, realizing that I might be falling for someone who once upon a time meant the world to me and is somehow back in my life, is the scariest and most exciting thing I've faced in a long time.

Here's hoping that fate is kind to he and I. And wishing the same for us all.