Looking back

Hardest year ever. After putting things in perspective, I must re-frame. Compared to the awful events that transpired in 2017, my problems are snafus of personal difficulty I will ultimately resolve or not. My three offspring are all able bodied, with some means (if only part time) of employment, can prepare food, use a car legally, understand the limits of a credit card and how to behave when a true authority figure crosses their path. One could say that while I am still their financial rock, they are on their way to adulthood and my job is winding down. Yet with two kids currently at home and only one vehicle, we are bound by necessity to coordinate our daily activities.  Our biggest source of mutual concern- other than food and when are you shopping next- is the car's availability.

During the throes of marital demise, you imagine the day when you feel less pain. Seated across a table in the county courthouse aside our respective attorneys was a surreal send up of whatever forces drew us together all those years ago. The person with whom you once shared your life is now your greatest adversary. 

There are lots of residual hurts. Emotional hurts, financial woes, and house problems that all need attention. After my ex's departure, I spent the year taming the chaos and shaping the landscape anew. Now the next set of tasks jump out at me. Fix me. Paint me. Restore me. Listen to me.

I'm allowed right? To be dismayed as I remind myself to feel lucky because we were both in agreement that we go our separate ways. If lucky is the word for it.

Well suited we were not as neglect became our management style. Not a happy state of affairs no matter how you spin it. Back to my studies then as I have a lot to learn.
Wish me luck.

Been Busy

 

Lately I've been going at a pretty fast clip. Working for my company in Brooklyn, living with 2 of my (3) kids and keeping the home fires burning. Seeking to expand my activities and work my lengthy to-do list.
In this new chapter,  I'm trying to be grateful, read the news out of Washington sparingly and stay focused on what is needed of me. Enough said.

(The images above are from a beautiful holiday party at Molteni & C - Dada  that I attended last night with Ellen.  Amazing furnishings and design!)

Didn't do it

We let Halloween go this year. I wasn't interested and neither of my kids who are around cared. Despite the seasonal mania of where we live, I managed not to purchase a single pumpkin, didn't decorate my home with spooky themed items and didn't engage with any trick or treaters holding the requisite bowl of candy at my front door.
Taking a pass was less angst ridden than I imagined. (And a little liberating in its own way.)

October in the Hollow

It's that time of year again- where my "quaint" village (population 10,198) and the final resting place of Washington Irving (whose famous tale is the source of our community's name) becomes the location of all things Halloween- so much so that when you live here you find yourself forced to wade through this beautiful month due to all the activities that inspire curious and numerous outsiders to flock here and spend their entertainment dollars in search of spooks and thrills after searching for a parking place and then surviving long waits in line. Fun! (well, not for those of us who actually live here...)

If you are the kind of person who wonders why Christmas has to happen every year and tolerates the necessity of birthday celebrations- well- it's a study in laying low. And when the actual day of Halloween finally rolls around you sigh with relief that it's soon to be finally over.

Wrapping up (almost)

My former husband (who in all future attribution will be referred to as MFH) and I were able to reach a mutual understanding of how the assets accumulated during out marriage are to be distributed and have stipulated to what and how we will each provide for our children. We have signed the documents required and the motion was filed in court earlier last week. It only awaits for the judge assigned to our case to issue the final decree in the not too distant future.

Probably every divorced person knew why and what it was about the living conditions that made it feel necessary to seek a legal dissolution of a contract signed with so much optimism earlier. The behaviors, unknowns, or lack of connection that make it hard to find much inner peace when your significant other is around. (No need to run on there.)

I am discovering a new reserve of grit because I don't have any choice. MFH, in leaving, left me property and house projects large and small, some mid-way, some left to deteriorate more, lots of chaos to tame and make sane. It's a lengthy to do list and I've making some new acquaintances in the tradespeople who have employed their talents to help mend and put things to rights.

I'm clearly in over my head when it comes to the yard. I'm resisting using chemicals on the grass (and it shows) and I'm no grounds genius like MFH but my son, under duress, will do a respectable job with the new and easy to use lawn mover I bought (thank you for the advent of battery operated machines and the end to mixing gas and oil and pulling the choke!!!). With a the support of family, friends, my boss and neighbors, I'm keeping a roof over our head and the taxes paid and grateful beyond measure that life continues to carry us forward in its grace.

Let's hope for the best for all involved (and this includes MFH) and for happier days ahead.