The Boys Arrive

Sunday, Max and Tim arrived from their summer long road trip and they will be staying with us until they secure a place to live in the city. They seemed worn out and happy to be back on the east coast. It seemed only reasonable to take them to the beach club to relax and take in some fresh air after their long car ride here. The crowd was very friendly. Lots of folks showed up to take in the beautiful night to commemorate the beginning of the end of summer. The clink of wine glasses and yummy snacks to nibble on. Both kids and adults full of smiles. It's nice to have the guys here- a little distraction for everyone. Max has known me since I was 17 and has seen me through a lot of good and bad times. Sometimes, feeling understood is the best support of all.

Neighbors

The other day we went over to visit the Gibson's. Lucy was off to college the next day and a certain kind of bittersweet happiness hung in the air. You could tell that Lucy was beyond excited in her own understated way. Her anticipation of all the events to come made her smiles wide and eager.
All the changes that life brings. Watching your kids grow up and make their way in the world. As a parent you are relieved to see them make all these transitions but as their parent there is also the anxiety of redefining your own existence. As long as there is a child in the house to nurture and protect- you know what to do. It's what lays beyond that can be so confusing.

Angst

I wish I could write something about contentment and love. Okay, I feel love. But contentment. No way. No any which way. We keep it going. There are the lovely dinners. There are the flowers from the garden. There are the smooth sheets and soft towels and fresh running water. Yes, we are blessed with all the modern amenities but lack steady employment and the security that brings.

In the moments of my utter darkness, there are my (handsome) husband's arms around me when I am weary of difficulty and trying and not feeling the worth of trying again. Is it this time of my life? Not knowing how to proceed but knowing I must. Oh, go improve something, help someone and through lifting someone else hope to lift myself. What turned? What old injuries continue to injure me now? And where do I go to be healed?

Dinner at the Beach Club with Family

                             

                              

We had a really nice dinner by the river last night. The gathering went well after dark and we sat around and talked by the flickering lights. My husband's brother, Kenneth, and his wife, Gayle,drove up from Texas to deliver their son Justin to New York where he is entering Pace University as a freshman. Lucky for us, one of the other brothers, Rex, came along for the ride. Sarah and especially Jacob have been delighted to have Rex to hang around with so that's been great. He has an easy rapport with them and seems to enjoys their company.

The beach club was a beautiful spot to share with them and we all went for a swim. The river felt cool and refreshing. Earlier in the day, Rex and Jacob went shopping for ingredients for dinner. Kenneth and Rex cooked an amazing meal- the Santo's came down for their dinner as well and we all ate together. I think my relatives are having a good time and I know how happy that makes James.

Worry

I'm bowled over today by anxiety. Maintaining a positive outlook demands a certain amount of stamina and sometimes my own reserves are less than adequate. I can look around and see the many things for which I am very grateful but still- I know we are operating a leaky boat that needs to be repaired or abandoned.