Uncertainty and Me

There's a lot about life I don't understand. It's not about breaking things down, or about building things up. It's more that at certain junctures, purpose escapes me. There's always a bill to pay, a box to sort, a floor to sweep, a hungry mouth to feed. But beyond the necessities- where is the road leading us- or me to be exact. So, you search out the distractions, or the things that must be done. You create a map that might lead you somewhere worth going, or if nothing else, a chance to enjoy the ride. There is the unexpected, the crisis, the goals. But beyond all that- what is there exactly? So I admire the cicada whose 17 year life cycle is determined in their dna. The worker bee who only knows work. The birds that thrive on chirping, eating and nesting. And us humans, awash with choice and the intellect and imagination to push further- what drives us? A while back, craving a home, a partner, children, I didn't pause to plan for the next interval. And here, with kids mostly grown and sometimes flown, the house that satisfies our need for shelter, the spouse I love and admire, what is the next big thing? This is what haunts me and propels me as I scale uncertainty- without a net and the clarity of desire.