Sunday, February 11, 2018

Thinking like an Olympian

Like our Olympic hopefuls, I am putting my best foot forward when performance is most critical (or in my case, the waking hours) in order to be my best self, keep the wheels of life turning (earn money, pay bills, taxes, have insurance, a roof over our heads, a car in the driveway, food on the table and recycle). Add in my job, family matters, community service, exercising (something I like to avoid unless it involves walking or swimming) and having any kind of social life- well, I am in awe of these talented individuals who have committed themselves tirelessly to training, regimens, goals, personal sacrifices and likely getting up early most days, concerned with their bodies, their talent and their nutrition, addressing their psychological ability to compete effectively by hiring the right coach, nutritionist, massage therapist, and agent to help them on their journey all the while traveling to compete in countless events to attain the status that has led them to be at the Olympics as a participant.

I'm not trying to get to the Olympics. For years I was happy to see my kids grow and mature to young adults capable of navigating the world on their own most of the time.  And like many empty nesters, my role has morphed to helpful bystander from full time caregiver.  So what is thinking like an Olympian for me now? Maybe it's doing what I dread at times, being responsible at all times and the grace to accept my self despite my shortcomings and pressing on no matter how nutty the going gets. 
Maybe an Olympic medal in civility, perseverance and clarity. That's a medal I would chase for sure.

with credit to the amazing Chang Lee of the NYTimes for the photo

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Looking back

Hardest year ever. After putting things in perspective, I must re-frame. Compared to the awful events that transpired in 2017, my problems are snafus of personal difficulty I will ultimately resolve or not. My three offspring are all able bodied, with some means (if only part time) of employment, can prepare food, use a car legally, understand the limits of a credit card and how to behave when a true authority figure crosses their path. One could say that while I am still their financial rock, they are on their way to adulthood and my job is winding down. Yet with two kids currently at home and only one vehicle, we are bound by necessity to coordinate our daily activities.  Our biggest source of mutual concern- other than food and when are you shopping next- is the car's availability.

During the throes of marital demise, you imagine the day when you feel less pain. Seated across a table in the county courthouse aside our respective attorneys was a surreal send up of whatever forces drew us together all those years ago. The person with whom you once shared your life is now your greatest adversary. 

There are lots of residual hurts. Emotional hurts, financial woes, and house problems that all need attention. After my ex's departure, I spent the year taming the chaos and shaping the landscape anew. Now the next set of tasks jump out at me. Fix me. Paint me. Restore me. Listen to me.

I'm allowed right? To be dismayed as I remind myself to feel lucky because we were both in agreement that we go our separate ways. If lucky is the word for it.

Well suited we were not as neglect became our management style. Not a happy state of affairs no matter how you spin it. Back to my studies then as I have a lot to learn.
Wish me luck.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Been Busy


Lately I've been going at a pretty fast clip. Working for my company in Brooklyn, living with 2 of my (3) kids and keeping the home fires burning. Seeking to expand my activities and work my lengthy to-do list.
In this new chapter,  I'm trying to be grateful, read the news out of Washington sparingly and stay focused on what is needed of me. Enough said.

(The images above are from a beautiful holiday party at Molteni & C - Dada  that I attended last night with Ellen.  Amazing furnishings and design!)

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Didn't do it

We let Halloween go this year. I wasn't interested and neither of my kids who are around cared. Despite the seasonal mania of where we live, I managed not to purchase a single pumpkin, didn't decorate my home with spooky themed items and didn't engage with any trick or treaters holding the requisite bowl of candy at my front door.
Taking a pass was less angst ridden than I imagined. (And a little liberating in its own way.)

Saturday, October 7, 2017

October in the Hollow

It's that time of year again- where my "quaint" village (population 10,198) and the final resting place of Washington Irving (whose famous tale) is the source of our community's name) becomes the location of all things Halloween- so much so that when you live here you find yourself forced to wade through this beautiful month due to all the activities that inspire curious and numerous outsiders to flock here and spend their entertainment dollars in search of spooks and thrills after searching for a parking place and then surviving long waits in line. Fun! (well, not for those of us who actually live here...)

If you are the kind of person who wonders why Christmas has to happen every year and tolerates the necessity of birthday celebrations- well- it's a study in laying low. And when the actual day of Halloween finally rolls around you sigh with relief that it's soon to be finally over.