Hardest year ever. After putting things in perspective, I must re-frame. Compared to the awful events that transpired in 2017, my problems are snafus of personal trauma I will ultimately resolve or not. My three offspring are all able bodied, with some means (if only part time) of employment, can prepare food, use a car legally, understand the limits of a credit card and how to behave when a true authority figure crosses their path. One could say that while I am still their financial rock, they are on their way to adulthood and my job is winding down. Yet with two kids currently at home and only one vehicle, we are bound by necessity to coordinate our daily activities. Our biggest source of mutual concern- other than food and when are you shopping next- is the car's availability.
During the throes of marital demise, you imagine the day when you feel
less pain. Seated across a table in the county courthouse aside our
respective attorneys was a surreal send up of whatever forces drew us
together all those years ago. The person with whom you once shared
your life is now your greatest adversary.
There are lots of residual hurts. Emotional hurts,
financial woes, and house problems that all need attention. After my
ex's departure, I spent the year taming the chaos and shaping the
landscape anew. Now the next set of tasks jump out at me. Fix me. Paint
me. Restore me. Listen to me.
I'm allowed right? To be dismayed as I remind myself to feel lucky because we were both in agreement that we go our separate ways. If lucky is the word for it.
Well suited we were not as neglect became our management style. Not a happy state of affairs no matter how you spin it. Back to my studies then as I have a lot to learn.
Wish me luck.