I'm pondering the many things that mystify me lately. I know I am not alone with all the complicated feelings that events deliver. The friend who has been too busy for years to come visit but then wants to tell all about the fabulous trip she just took. The friend who doesn't respond to your dinner invites and then blogs about the lovely dinner with friends they had at their house. These minor events stir up their share of unresolved issues for me. You want to be happy for the people you care about- you just wish somehow they cared a little bit more about you.
Since childhood I've been told I am too sensitive. Driving back from another round of errands it dawned on me that I probably am too sensitive- but then again- too sensitive for whom? The hardest part for me is the only way to manage my pained feelings is to withdraw. I can feel better about how things play out as long as I diminish how I feel about the players involved. There isn't going to be a day of reckoning and there shouldn't be. Everyone lives their lives according to what works for them- I figured that one out a long time ago. The idea then is to keep my head down, stay true to what I believe and try to maintain an even keel despite the hurt of bumps over which I have no control.